The Maxerrelaxer

I’d like to take a moment to extol the virtues of a rare breed of human—the one who can relax anywhere, anytime. Some of us, while we are waiting in line at the post office or stuck at a red light in our car, find ourselves becoming agitated at having to wait. We see this interlude as wasted time, and we spend it sighing in exasperation, texting on our phones or shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another, our bags growing heavier and heavier with each passing second until we are absolutely positive that a lead brick somehow made it into our purse or bag. Often, if there is more than one line, we convince ourselves that all of the other lines are moving faster than ours, but we know in our heart that if we move, our luck will then run out and the new line will stop altogether. And so we sit there in a kind of fuming stasis, waiting until we are released from the purgatory between one important something ending and the next beginning.

But some people have the uncanny ability to just take a load off regardless of where the opportunity presents itself. Let’s call them the “maxerrelaxers”. Sometimes you see them sprawled on the floor—dirty, clean, it doesn’t matter to the maxerrelaxer—in a long line at the DMV or waiting for the mall to open. They don’t let little things like a dearth of chairs prevent them from chilling out! I strive to be a maxxerrelaxer, but the truth is, I don’t like to sit on the filthy floor. That’s why I was so excited to see a man today who represents my ideal. He didn’t need the floor to take a load off—where I saw only a chain railing, he saw a hammock. Brilliant. Notice he even has one foot kicked up in a classic maxerrelaxer stance. I salute you! I will endeavor to take a load off and enjoy the wait just like you!